Number Three
by HippyDragonGirl
Summary: Castle may have reason to rethink his bucket list. Maybe #3 Wreck A Ferrari wasn't such a good idea. Or was it? Story goes AU after 47 Seconds. Castle's bucket list can be viewed on his website.
1. Wreck A Ferrari

Kate hears the sirens and hopes that it's for them. She desperately tries to grab hold of the moment. Surrounded by crushed metal and shattered glass, folded over in the front seat, shoulder jammed painfully against the dash, something hard and burning pressing down on the side of her lower back. Wait. Hard and burning. _What the hell is that?_

She manages to roll a little more to the left, so the crumbled dash veers out of sight and the passenger side window comes into focus. She sees it and gasps. A steel rod that does not belong in a Ferrari. It's come through her window and across the front seats. She knows it's crossed over into the driver's side. _The driver's side._

He'd insisted on driving. He said he gave her a turn last time. But she knows under normal circumstances, he would always prefer she drive. He covets every opportunity to watch her. Except since last week. _Her confession in the box._

She's known since that day that she needs to talk to him. Lanie finds time every day to push her about it. If she could've kept it from Lanie, she would have. Lanie can be a bulldog about certain things. But Espo figured it out. And whatever Espo knows, Lanie knows. _Espo, where is he now?_

She knows he was following them. Last she caught sight of him, he was rounding the corner just behind them. She didn't see the truck coming, but Castle did. One hand reaching to push her down, the other spinning the wheel in a desperate attempt to avoid the collision. In her memory, she hears the echo of his voice, rough with fear. _Kate, DOWN!_

He'd unbuckled her before he pushed her down, knowing they were about to be impaled. Always thinking of her safety first. Never a thought for himself. _Castle._

The sirens are very loud now. Almost here. And finally, finally, she hears Espo's voice calling out.

"Beckett! Castle!" She's never heard it sound like that. She thinks this is what he must have sounded like in the midst of the fray overseas, serving his country. Even in the confused aftermath of the wreck, it rings clear and strong. "Yo! Guys! Let me hear you!"

She doesn't have the space to take a deep enough breath to call back to him. Her remaining strength is being consumed by her effort to twist herself around so she can see Castle. She's unaware of the small noises she makes as she tortures her battered body. Broken mewling sounds she cannot control. Could care less about._ Is he breathing?_

She feels his hand brush against her side, near where the rod scrapes against her, at the same moment his voice calls out, thready and weak, "Espo, can you believe I've already crossed Number Three off my Bucket List?"

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ A giant Thank You to _**bellelover001** _and_ **PenguinOfTroy **_for being in CastleTV Chat at the right time and taking a moment to beta read for me._ _My writer's voice tells me the story is not finished with me yet. I'm sure your favorites, follows, and reviews will encourage that voice to speak more on this topic. Thank you for reading.  
><em>

**Disclaimer: **_We all know who owns these characters. May success continue to follow their creator so they will continue to grace our television screens with new stories for years to come._


	2. Pierced

**Author's Note:** _I am thankful for you dear reader, but favorite, follow, and/or review and I'll love you that much more. I have CastleTV Chat friends to thank again. Your support is why I'm able to do this! A special :hug and :kiss to **Trinxy** and **Dave-ck **for beta-reading me. Your support and feedback is much appreciated!_

**Disclaimer: **_We all know who owns these characters. May success continue to follow their creator so they will continue to grace our television screens with new stories for years to come._

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: <strong>**Pierced**

Rick feels Esposito's hand grip his shoulder, but he can't look up at him. Any movement sets the simmering flames around his midsection shooting through his entire body. He found that out when he reached over to touch Kate. _Kate...Kate...I'm sorry...so damn sorry._

His eyes are focused where his hand touches her, and he's so thankful to see she hasn't been pierced. Just a few layers of skin flayed off. He knows how it must burn as the rough, corrugated rod shifts slightly with his every breath. _Oh, Kate...stop...stop moving._

Her back is pressing into it, pressing it up. His left hand holds the rod just where it enters his body. He's certain he'd be dead if they didn't already have their vests on. The rod pierced his side, heading straight for his heart. Kevlar must have stopped it short. Short enough he hopes. The lung definitely did not escape unscathed. His breath sounds funny to him and his vision is starting to waver in and out. _Javi was serious about handling porn patrol duty, right?_

He continues to breathe. And even those feeble, stumbling breaths are enough to set the rod in motion against her weeping, raw wound. _Beckett...Beckett...please stop making those sounds._

He tries to hold his breath. Starts counting in his head. His hand slips away from her back as he teeters on the edge of unconsciousness. Kate's struggles jerk him back to full awareness. _Jesus, Kate. Stop Moving._

He stretches his hand so his fingers brush her side again. As far away from her wound as he can manage. "Beckett. Stop. Moving."

She freezes instantly and the rod goes still once more, only a sight quiver from his uneven breaths. Her struggles must have improved her position somewhat because now he hears her voice. And it sounds strong to him. Hurting, but maybe what he sees is the worst of it. _ If she sounds okay, then she's okay, right?_

"Rick, I can't...I can't get around to you." Her voice has a tone of desperation to it. He knows she can see part of the rod coming behind her toward him. She knows he's in trouble. _Keep it together Beckett. I can't help you here._

"Don't...worry...about...it." He voice is reedy, weak. It wavers in pitch and volume, like he's barely got control over his vocal cords. Like he's using the last of his strength just to get these meager words out.

"Remember...Kate...promise...Alexis" His breath is broken and gasping now. Words trapped unspoken, but he manages to trace the letters against her back before the darkness starts to overtake him.

"Castle? Castle?" Is this how he sounded to her when he hovered over her pierced and bleeding body? His face crumples in, new tracks lining his already well driven face. "Rick, I remember."

He's pulled back from the brink once more by her earnest and layered tone. She starts to struggle again, as if she's got a secret weapon against solid iron, but he thinks it's his moan that has the real power. _Got ya to stop moving with no words that time, Beckett._

"NYFD are on the scene. Should have you both out soon."

How long had Esposito been standing there? Had he been talking this whole time? Rick is mesmerized by his blood leaking down his leg. His writer's vest fails to hold it trapped against his side anymore. _Beckett lost way more blood than this and still survived._

He notices flecks and droplets of his blood on Beckett. In her hair. He realizes those blood splatters came from his mouth. As if in proof, he coughs and more red spatter appears on the dash in front of him. _I am never driving another Ferrari ever._

_"_Javi, how's Castle?" Rick fights to hold onto his sliver of consciousness and still notices how she throws in her all business tone, as if she can trick Espo into giving her the details. He might not be able to look up at Espo's face, but he knows by the strong grip on his shoulder that Javi's got her taken care of. Will continue to take care of her, too. Espo's come through for him before. He'll know what to do now, too, and without any prompting this time.

He's losing the battle, he knows. He wishes for just a bit more breath. Just enough to give her the words she deserves to hear. The words he needs to know she heard. Heard and believed. _Kate, I love you. I love you._

He settles for tracing what letters he can manage across her skin, envisioning one more moment of connection with her, seeing the spark of knowledge in her eyes. Has the faith and love he's caught there often been his imagination? He's barely allowed himself to think on it since that day._ Beckett in the box._

Now it seems so inconsequential, her lie. He'll refute it with the truth between them. He's found his faith again, even if it only need last a few moments more. He wraps her in his words, silent as they are. The only evidence the invisible letters he traces over and over again until he's aware of nothing and no one. _A.l.w.a.y.s._


	3. Reinforcements

**Author's Note:** _As always, I am thankful to you, Dear Reader, just for doing that thing you do! A favorite, follow, and/or review would be lovely as well. If you are enjoying this story, you might want to think about putting me on Author Alert so you don't miss an update or new story! As usual, I've called on my CastleTV Chat friends to beta read for me. This time I'm sending out a special :hug and :kiss to __**RickBeckett **__and __**McFluffy**__, who also happens to be my partner in crime on a joint fanfic venture we are hard at work on and have plans to begin publishing after the finale. To all my friends at CastleTV Chat and all my readers, your time, support, feedback, and kind words are more than any writer could ask. Thank you so much!_

**Disclaimer: **_We all know who owns these characters. May success continue to follow their creator so they will continue to grace our television screens with new stories for years to come._

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Reinforcements<strong>

Javi shakes the shoulder he grips. His eyes roam over the wreckage. Beckett pinned down by the rod that thrusts through the interior. A straight shot across the seats. He fingers the edge of Castle's vest. Glances down and sees the blood soaking his leg, dripping over the seat, pooling on the floor. _Too much blood. Too much._

"Castle. Hey, man_." _He gets no response. Castle is out cold. His fingers seek a pulse, but find an out of time beat that's barely there. _WriterBoy, you'd better not be thinking of dying._

Beckett's struggling again. Castle's shoulder twitches under his hand. He moans, but doesn't wake. Javi sees a fresh track of blood make it's way down the writer's leg. "Beckett, stop moving. You're pushing the rod further in."

Kate hasn't managed to twist herself around enough to get a look at Castle, but Espo thinks his words have set a blazing fire of fear raging through her system based on what he hears in her voice. An agony he never wants to know and never wants to hear again. "_Javi. Javi, get us out of here."_

"Javier!" Esposito turns toward Ryan's voice calling out. Irish is jogging toward him. Javi spots Jenny sitting in their car, pulled off to the side just past the intersection where the mangled Ferrari gave it's final death throes. _Reinforcements. Thank God._

Esposito moves out of way for paramedics and firemen approaching the car. He grabs up Kevin by the arm, hard, dragging him further away from the car, out of Beckett's hearing. He does not want to be the one to change Kevin's bewildered expression to a tragic mask, but there is no one else.

"Javier, what..." Ryan doesn't look like he wants to hear what Esposito has to say anymore than Espo wants to say it.

"Beckett, I think is okay. Just pinned by that rod." Espo pauses a moment. Squeezing Kevin's arm tighter. "Castle isn't so lucky. Damn rod is stuck right into his side. Bleeding bad, man." He meets Ryan's eyes and shares the burden of pain and fear with him, looking for a bit more solid ground to stand on.

Ryan comes through, grabbing hold of Espo's free arm, shaking and squeezing it. "If Beckett can manage a miracle, so can Castle."

The scream of a buzz saw ends their conversation. They both turn back to the Ferrari. The NYFD have pried the top off and are now cutting the rod in half, taking advantage of a small gap between Castle and Beckett's bodies. Espo moves closer to get a look at Beckett. They've thrown a heavy protective blanket over her and Castle both, he can't see either of them.

Now EMS is easing Castle out of the car. Espo could do without seeing the sheared off rod sticking out of his side. Castle disappears into the first ambulance just as another team of first responders pull Beckett from the torn and ragged Ferrari.

"Esposito!" He gets a text from Lanie just as Kate's command rings out. Good. Her voice is clear and strong. He peeks at his phone as he makes his way over to Beckett.

_ Alexis got a text from a friend. Red Ferrari. Bad Accident. Mid-Town. Javi, you're tailing today, right?_

He reaches Beckett on the stretcher. Refusing to lie to her, he gives it as easy as he can. "You won your fight, Beckett. He's as strong as you, you know. Maybe stronger. He's got a good chance. And the vest. That was some kind genius, you making us put them on. It's already saved him."

She holds his gaze, seeking the truth behind his words. Sees his belief in them. In her. In Castle. She reaches her hand out and he's there to grab it, his other hand smoothing back her hair. He surprises her when he leans in to press a kiss to her forehead.

"Besides, he knows how much you'd mess him up if he dared die on you, boss."

His smile is genuine and he's encouraged to see the brief lift to her own lips. _Nobody is dying today if Beckett is smiling, right?_

A paramedic shuffles Espo off to the side, tells him they've got to move now. Then Beckett is disappearing into the ambulance. He watches it pull away and sends a quick message back to Lanie.

_ Take Alexis to St. Vincent's Emergency. Your girl seems okay. Her writer's in bad shape._

Her message back is short and comforting.

_ Be with you soon._

He must've lost some moments because suddenly he's standing beside Ryan's car and Ryan's got his hands on his shoulders, trying to coax eye contact. "Javier...you okay?"

He shakes off the memories of Lanie in his bed. Even now, after all the stinging barbs and cutting jabs, he's still surprised to find her there. In his bed. Not as often as before, but not so long between appearances as to make him worry she'll never be there again. That he'll never get another "be there soon" text from her. _Why can't I just give her what she wants?_

Ryan is shaking his shoulders again. Calling his name. Espo makes eye contact, lays a hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"No, no. I'm fine. It's just..." Espo glances to Jenny in the car. She's completely focused on Ryan, but she's fervently speaking into her phone. Ryan glances back at his wife, giving her a smile to warm the ice surrounding them. The cold dread of that stabbing steel rod. She mouths, "Martha" at him. He nods, turning back to Espo.

"Lanie is on her way to St. Vincent's with Alexis. I'd say there's no where for us to go on this today. I'll fill in Gates then head over. You'll take Jenny now?"

"Yeah. Okay. See ya in a few." Ryan had let his shoulders go when he started speaking, but reaches out to clasps hands for a moment. Unspoken words hang in the air between them. _Till the wheels fall off._

Ryan's back in his car and pulling away before Esposito even makes it back to his own car. He's not even sure how he manages the trip back to the precinct. Either his autopilot skills are still sharp or fate decided it's screwed up the day enough. _More than enough. _

He makes quick work of his chores at home base. His report to the Captain is short. She might not be completely onboard with their cloak and dagger methods, but he thinks she sees the value of it. Knows there is something there to uncover, but that will have to wait for another day now. She dismisses him and he's back on autopilot in no time. He makes it to St. Vincent's and is just walking through the emergency room doors when his phone zings. _Lanie._

_ Rod out. Bleeding stopped. Lost heartbeat twice, but numbers improving. Still critical, but hopeful outlook. K being released now._


	4. The Elevator

**Author's Note:** _Dear Reader, I am forever thankful for your choice in reading material. Your favorites, follows, and/or reviews would be lovely as well. If you are enjoying this story, you might want to think about putting me on Author Alert so you don't miss an update or new story! As usual, I've called on my CastleTV Chat friends to beta read for me. This time I have my good friends, __**Trinxy **__and __**PenguinOfTroy**__, to thank. They are fanfic authors as well. Go take a looksie at their profiles and dip into another story! (after this one, that is!) :D_

**Disclaimer: **_We all know who owns these characters. May success continue to follow their creator so they will continue to grace our television screens with new stories for years to come._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4: The Elevator<strong>_  
><em>

Lanie gives the arm under her hand a gentle squeeze. Kate won't meet her gaze, keeps her attention riveted to the floor. Refuses to accept the help Lanie's been trying to give. She tries again to reach her friend. _Beckett snap out of this zombie act. You're scaring me._

"Kate, let Ryan take you upstairs. Alexis and Martha are up there. You can wait together."

"He was saying goodbye. He thinks he's dying." Her voice is quiet. Matter of fact.

The desolation, the utter hopelessness of Kate's voice has Lanie tightening the bolts on her iron-clad heart to almost complete lockdown. Castle is so fond of his balance theory. Yin and Yang. But if Castle's story with Beckett ends here, then where was the joy to balance this level of torture? _Is it worth this?_

She sets her eyes on Kate's, holding her gaze for a moment._ Was this what she was hiding from me by not calling? Does she think her shattered parts are going to scare me off?_

"Kate Beckett, you are not seriously giving up hope when that man is upstairs fighting like hell right now?" Lanie puts enough outrage in her tone to physically shake Beckett, hoping she'll find her strength again. Beckett is always good in a fight and Lanie wants her in fighter mode.

"No, not me. Castle." Kate looks around as if she lost something. And then the ding of the elevators has her turning back. Ryan is suddenly there. He leans out and offers a hand to Beckett. And here is where Kate manages to find a thread of discipline she ruthlessly employs to bring herself under control. She begins the shuffle walk her bruised body has arranged for her. Lanie watches her, but doesn't offer support again. She can see Kate's using the pain to help reassemble the parts scattered around her. _I don't want to find pieces of myself in a jumbled mess at my feet one day._

As Kate reaches Ryan and takes the hand he offers, Lanie steps to Kate's other side to provide support under her opposite arm. Ryan brings his other hand up to do the same for Beckett on his side. Kate grips their supporting arms, finally accepting help from her friends. She lets them hold her steady, hold her up, as she struggles to find a rhythm to her breathing and push down the fear and panic. She even lets her body sag for a moment, releasing the tension in her muscles and quieting the fire in her back, finding a moment of peace without pain to gather herself.

Lanie meets Ryan's eyes across Kate's bowed head. "She banged her head, too. Doc says she needs constant supervision for the next 24." She's distracted by the buzz of her phone. _Javi._

"I got her, " Ryan assures as he steps in front of Beckett, taking her other arm from Lanie, and slowly backing into the elevator, letting Beckett walk at her pace but with his support. Lanie sees how he tries to keep the pain off his face. He's failing miserably, though. He leans in close to Kate's ear and whispers, "I'm so glad you're okay, boss."

"You have my partner to thank for that, Kevin." Kate says, glancing up at Ryan.

Lanie watches as Kate appears to gain strength from whatever she pulling out of Ryan's eyes and into herself. She's managed to push some of the pain away, stands straighter than before, and her breathing is under control. She turns back to Lanie, meets her eyes, rests a hand gently on her arm, squeezing softly.

"Castle reminded me I promised him to watch out for Alexis. If...if something ever happened to him." Kate struggles with her words a bit. Maybe she doesn't have complete control over her voice, but she's got it together enough to make it through a bit longer. _Castle, you son of bitch, stabilize and wake-up._

"Go on up with Ryan." Lanie puts her own hand over Kate's on her arm and holds it tight against her for a moment. "I'll be there in a few with Javi. He just got here."

The text she'd just read from him had said, "I'm Here." Simple words, yet it's the most comforting thing she's heard from him in a long time. He's afraid to give her any serious words these days. A month or so back she made herself wait almost two weeks before coming to him. It's the one time he gave her a clue how he feels since she started this...whatever this is...with him a few months ago. _Damn Irish and his wedding anyway._

She knows something has changed for Javier. Is changing for him. But she doesn't want to rush him, isn't sure if she's even ready for what it means. And yet his text had set her heart afire. Hope burning into a bright blaze, flickering against the iron fetters on her heart. _I miss you. Will I see you soon?_

Lanie turns from the elevators. She's sure puzzled looks flashed across Kate and Ryan's faces as the doors closed. She lost the thread of their existence when Javi intruded on her mind. And then he's not in her mind, but right in front of her, headed toward her. He picks up speed when he sees her. There's something in his face she's never seen before, but she won't give him a chance to pause in his forward motion, and she spins around to his direction as they reach each other. She gives in to her need to touch him by looping her arm through his and heads them back toward the elevator.

It's the elevator ride that's her undoing. She managed her cool exterior until his fingers brush at her back, his hand coming to rest there providing a gentle, warm support. She can't stop herself from leaning back into it, then turning toward him. They never even exchanged any words, but already found a comforting presence in each other. He never fails her in this. When she needs his strength, he gives it up freely. No matter when she asks it of him. No matter where. _Why won't you give everything if you're willing to give this, Javi?_

His arm sneaks further around her and now his hand is firmly on her hip, tugging her into him. She goes willingly, resting her head on his shoulder. His other hand reaches up to smooth down her hair, trail down her back. His voice whispers over her head. "She's okay. He'll be okay."

She's shaking her head against his chest. She knows he can feel the tension that shoots through her body. He's instantly pulling her closer, rubbing harder at her back. She looks up at him, letting him see her eyes, wanting to see his when she says, "It could have been you."

Her breath breaks as he pulls her impossibly closer, dips his head down to snag her lips, moving his whole body, so she's flush with him, lifting her up and against him, then pressing her back into the corner of the elevator, his lips and tongue taking their full measure of her mouth. His fingers kneading into her skin wherever he can reach and still support her. His voice is rough, gritting in her ear. "We cannot do this here."

"I didn't mean to...I just..." and then her lips are sinking to his neck and she bites and nibbles her way back to his mouth. "Alexis...and then Kate...Javi, I don't want to hurt like that."

He tenses, starts to pull away. They both usually pull their punches on that one. Neither one wanting to admit how deep this thing goes between them. She still can't believe he opens his door to her when she shows up randomly at his home. She still doesn't understand why she can't let him go when she knows she'll never fully have him. _He doesn't want a long term commitment._

He reaches past her to press a few more buttons, then moves back to crowd her even further into the corner, his hands coming up to frame her face, thumbs rub softly over her cheeks. Eyes breaking open the doors she's closed deep inside. _Don't look at me like that, Javi. Like you're finally here with me._

"Do you think they chose that? Even had a choice really? Do we Lanie? Do we have a choice?" And his lips crush down bruisingly on her own as his arms circle her once more and pull her tight against him. His hands resume their kneading here and digging in there wherever they roam.

Lanie hears the doors open and close several times, the ding echoing along with their gasps and moans. She gives a moment's thought to those left waiting on the other side of those doors, what they might have glimpsed before the doors closed again, but quickly loses those thoughts and cares of anything outside their little corner of the elevator. Javier's hands are fisting in her hair, bringing her impossibly close to him, pulling out of her every ounce of what she feels for him, like he needs to measure it against his own, find out if they've got enough space to contain it. A thought comes unbidden to her mind, she tries to shove it back down, forget she knows it, but it echoes in her mind, a counterpoint to their gasps and moans that resound in her ears. _I love you. I love you._

The doors open once again and a jumble of noise filters through their fevered haze. They break apart, staring at each other. Javi smooths his thumb over her lips, wiping away the moisture he's left there, then he's grabbing her hand and pulling her off the elevator because Alexis is yelling. And is that? Kate. Oh, Kate. Ryan, Jenny, and Martha's voices clamor together into an unintelligible din mingling with the angry voice of Alexis. _Her words must be tearing pieces out of Kate._


	5. Partners

Kate takes a deep breath, let's it out slow, gathers the tiniest bit of calm about her. Alexis needs the right words now. She stumbles to find them. And then she looks up and Esposito with Lanie in tow are barreling off the elevator. They both head straight for her, flanking her, each providing an arm of support. Their faces, wow. This must be really bad. This spectacle they've created here in the waiting room. _It's like what Dad said about last year._

She'd pried the truth of what happened out of her father by telling him Detective Esposito had already spilled the beans. She heard his voice, remembers how he looked. His eyes telling her she must act._ They were like three year olds, Katie. Fighting over you. They both love you, you know?_

And now here's Rick's daughter, rapidly spiraling down to toddler status. Yelling for the sake of yelling because there is nothing else to do. They can't sit with him for now. Can't even see him. She'd like to be yelling as well. Screaming at the top of her lungs, but instead she stays silent. Ignores the blood dripping from small cuts Alexis has slashed all over her body with her voice, using finely honed blades instead of words. _I can do this. Rick believes I can do this._

Castle would never have imagined it'd be like this. Vetting potential boyfriends. Check. A sounding board, steering her clear of trouble. Check. Stepping into a role meant only for a mother? No, no, no. That was never in the deal, but here it is right in front of her. And Kate knows Castle and Alexis both need her to take the deal. Fill the spot left gaping and empty for too long, just as her own silence has created another gaping and empty hole. She must make it right again. And so she let's Alexis continue her tirade. Let's her get out every ounce of anger toward her. _If I was the writer, then I would write us a different story. One that begins earlier than the measly handful of years we've had._

Kate focuses back on Alexis as the girl continues to ram through all her defenses, straight through her already compromised heart. She is gorgeous even in her fury. A beautiful bright shining thing that Kate worries she's tarnished in some unknowing way.

"Have you even_ LOOKED_ at him recently, Detective Beckett? And you've seen him after he's cleaned himself up a bit. He loves you. Do you not see it? How could you not? Why would you do this to him?"

Alexis becomes a mass of flying red hair, flailing hands, and jerking body. She makes a run at Kate, almost manages a face slap, before Martha and Jenny rein her back. She captures Kate's eyes, though, and bores right through, deep into her soul. Her anger and hurt a physical thing between them. _I can fix this, Alexis. I can. Give me the chance._

It's Ryan, stepping in close, all soft words and earnest expression, that has Alexis finally calming down. He waits for her control to settle into stillness, broken only by her soft sobs. Ryan gentles her more with his warm hands on her arms and his fervent words for only her. "Your father is her partner, Alexis. No matter what you believe right now about her. He's her partner and she would do anything for him. Would have done anything to keep him safe. Does everything she can every second he's with her to keep him safe."

Kate uses Espo and Lanie's solid support to take the weight off her torso, dampening the pain flickering across her back. She sees confusion start to cloud Alexis' eyes. Confusion and, oh, yes. Softening. Her eyes are softening now and it's enough to allow Kate to gather her breath and stutter out a coherent thought. "Alexis, your Dad. He expects me to take care of you. He's counting on me to be there for you. I...I want to be there for you. I need to be there...for you."

"You and my Dad...you aren't...I don't understand." Alexis pauses here, letting her head drop, breaking the connection between them. No more words to empty out. She's calmed enough to see reason where there was chaos, though. Kate makes the most of the pause and breaks from Espo and Lanie's grasp to step closer to Alexis, placing a hand on her arm, getting her to look up again, meet her eyes. And when she does, she lets Alexis have what should have been Rick's first. She gives it to his daughter because it's what his daughter needs now. She needs to know.

"I wasn't ready. I...had things I was working out, Alexis. I was trying to figure out how to...how to be with him. And then...then I was afraid. Afraid of losing what we already had."

"He misunderstood something, I think Alexis. We were fine waiting and then he wasn't. There was something I should have told him long before now. And I promise to set him straight the minute he wakes up, okay? I can make this all better, when he wakes up."

"When he wakes up. If he wakes up. There's no guarantee that you'll hang around long enough to figure it all out. Are you telling me you're not going to throw my dad out of your life again?"

Her sharp words cut deeper in Kate, opening fresh wounds. Kate takes them. Accepts them. Owns them. "That is exactly what I'm saying to you. Partners, Alexis. I think even your Dad has forgotten what that means or maybe doesn't quite understand it yet. But I know, Alexis."

She takes Alexis by the shoulders, her awareness of the room and everyone surrounding them a far off thing. Her entire being is focused on Alexis, her most hidden parts laid open and bare in her eyes for the girl to see.

"It's more than marriage, more than family. People divorce. People leave their families. Partners, Alexis? Partners never walk away. They stick together. Always. It's not even a promise, not a solemn oath. It's just the way it is."

Kate is finally able to pull Alexis against her as the girl opens everything to her and Kate sees what she suspected. The way Alexis grabs at her, holds her tight. More than just the fear of losing her father. Kate returns the hug fiercely. Alexis' broken words tumble down her shoulder. "He's going to be okay. He has to be okay."

"He will be okay, Alexis. He will. He always is."

"Yeah, my dad is lucky. In a weird way. But what if his luck's run out, Detective Beckett?"

"Partners make their own family, you know. That includes you. Maybe, if you're done trying to slap me, you might call me Kate?"

"Yeah...I..." Alexis, barely back under control, is interrupted by the doctor entering the waiting area. The doctor, paying no attention to the strange tableau in front of him, drills out his information and heads off again.

"He's stable. Family only for now. I expect Mr. Castle to have a rough night, but based on his numbers now, he's got a good shot at making it through."

Martha moves close again, her arms going around both Kate and Alexis, then she takes Alexis' hand, gently pulling her away from Kate. Martha places her other hand against Kate's cheek for just a moment. Kate grabs hold of her hand and gives it a squeeze before letting it go.

"Give us some time with Richard. Then I'm going to go home for a rest. You'll stay here with Alexis?" Martha looks at her granddaughter. "I know I won't get her home tonight and if I can manage some sleep myself, then I'll be all the better prepared for what tomorrow brings."

Instead of the anger from before in Alexis' eyes, Kate sees her irises widen in stark fear and something so dark and needy, Kate wants to pull her back into a hug. "That would be okay...that would be great actually, if...if you stayed with me...Kate."

Kate feels like she's walking through cotton, talking underwater. Life is so muffled right now. She thinks Alexis might just have gobbled up a piece of her soul a moment ago. "Yeah. Yes. I...yeah, I'm staying. Take all the time you need, Martha. I need to call my dad anyway. Probably should try to eat something, too. I'll bring something up for you, Alexis, okay?"

Alexis shakes her head. "No. I'll take a break. Get something myself when you come back up. Maybe go home with Grams, freshen up a bit then come back."

They stand looking at each other awkwardly. How could they be exchanging all these normal, calm words when just moments ago Alexis wanted to tear Kate Beckett's throat out? Kate had no doubt of the girl's anger, but something else was there. Something that pulled her back to the trauma. The threat. It doesn't matter what they are fighting about. The important thing here is the who. _They are in this together._

Alexis is suddenly back in Kate's arms, holding her close, pulling painfully at her raw skin. Kate whispers in the girl's ear, "I love him, too, Alexis. So much. So very much."

When Kate comes back almost an hour later, Martha and Alexis have gone home. Everyone else had left shortly after Alexis' shouting match turned to mutual sob fest. Her partner sleeps quietly for the moment alone in his room. She feels guilty. Just a bit. It's the being able to be here when he couldn't. She imagines him as he must have been last year at this very same hospital. She knew it was touch and go with her for a few days. Her dad thinks he was acting like a child, but she knows now. He was way more under control. The only thing that kept her together today was Alexis. _Is that the only thing that's carried you through, Rick?_

She pulls a chair snug against his bed and sits, taking a moment to soothe her hands over him. Touching his hair, stroking his face, running her fingers down his arm to meet his hand and catch hold, settling in. Her voice sounds strange to her ears, but she gives it to him. Knows he needs it. She's kept quiet for too long and she's done with that._ I will not have another second of misunderstanding between us Richard Castle, so wake the hell up because I need to knock some sense into you._

She breaks then, for just a moment. Her head falling to meet his arm, pressing in just a bit to the firm bicep as her wound screams in protest. She brushes a kiss there before lifting her head once again. Her fingers itch to trace the lines in his face and she lets them. Taking her time, talking softly to him as she does.

"Your daughter got very angry with me tonight, Rick. I think she's been very angry with both of us for a long time. I've got her sorted out for now, but she needs to hear it from you." _So wake the hell up and tell her already._

She thinks again about what it must have been like for him. She was out of it for days. He had to wait _days_ before he talked to her. Before he could even see her. And then just briefly. He couldn't even hold her hand. She squeezes his, letting her sobs loose. Maybe if she released her tight control, the racket would jar him awake. She'd let him go right back to sleep. If she could just see his eyes. Know that he's all there. _Just wake up for a little bit, Rick._

She stares down at her hand slipped under his, a finger of her other hand tracing letters slowly on the back of his hand. She thinks back to being trapped in the Ferrari, but keeps her mind tightly focused on the sensation of his fingers on her back. Ruthlessly won't let any of the rest invade her memory. Trapped, burning, broken, unable to get to him. To see him. _ Just keep breathing Castle. Please, breathe_.

She had been confused when his fingers first started brushing over her skin in what seemed like strategic movements. Then she felt the zigzag of his W and realized he was carving invisible letters into her skin. Even when he has no breath to speak, he gives her something to hold onto, something to anchor and assure her. They may not be on the same page, exactly, but they both know it's the same story. _Their_ _story._

Her letters are slow, dragging across his skin, the pressure like a deep massage more than the ghostly, tickling pressure he gave her. Again, she is so lucky. He's given her the words she needs. She can be here with him. He had no words. No physical connection. What did she do? Send him away?Never, never again. _Rick...Rick...I am so sorry. So damn sorry._

She continues tracing, even as pain flares and rages through her bruised body, fire burning across the rawness of her back. She'll have to rest soon, she knows. She won't stay upright in the chair much longer, but for now she stays. Tracing over and over again. The letters mingling into nonsense, having no meaning as individuals. Letters standing alone.

"Rick, don't leave me. Stay with me, okay?" She hears his voice breaking in her memory. Holds the moment, broken and bleeding. A ragged bridge between them. "I need you...I need you with me."

And still he lays still and silent. She barely recognizes his face, so devoid of emotion. She's desperate for him to open his eyes, assure her of his vitality. But later when he does wake, unaware of his surrounding, unseeing, wracked with pain, she'll wish he'd stayed peacefully sleeping through the battle his body wages to find purchase to survive.

She holds his words close against her. A talisman against the dark unknown of the looming night. And she gives his words back to him, over and over again, desperate in the need to maintain even a thread of connection with him. _A.l.w.a.y.s._

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> _Dear Reader, you might remember me mentioning how if you liked this story you should think about putting me on Author Alert, so you wouldn't miss a new story from me. Well, I cut a little over 1,000 words out of this chapter. Gave it a life of it's own. You know what to do, if you don't want to miss the story of how Kate and Alexis met for the very first time in my Castleverse. If you'd like to bring me more joy than just your avid attention for a moment, you can always favorite, follow, and/or review. A Tumblr note or a Tweet would be lovely as well! Thank you, __**McFluffy **__and __**PenguinOfTroy**__ for the beta read. If you did not enjoy this chapter, send your complaints their way. ;)_

**Disclaimer: **_We all know who owns these characters. May success continue to follow their creator so they will continue to grace our television screens with new stories for years to come._


	6. Waking

**Chapter 6: Waking**

Rick grabs hold of the only thing that makes sense. The soft snore of his baby girl. The sound is solid and real. It speaks of home, of comfort, of safety, but his fragile reality is invaded by whirrings and beepings, and harsh antiseptics that he'd never allow in the loft. His mouth is full of cotton, eyelids weighed down and trapped closed by a gritty crust, and his right side. _Oh my god, what is wrong with me?_

A searing fire licks flames through his body, its source a burning, crushing, aching, doesn't feel right, not by a long shot, stabbing pain around his midsection. Stabbing pain. Ah, yes. The lovely steel rod inserted so rudely into his side. The details of his current situation come more firmly into focus. _The steel rod._

Flickering memories of sound, coupled with remembered sensations he doesn't dare dwell on, but can't keep from sifting through his awareness, bleed into his reality, and plunge him back into the horror of his last moments with Kate. He saw that rod go through her. No, no that was just his fear. He remembers a jumbled mess of sensation and sound, but separating his runaway imagination with what really happened? He's not sure he's up to that challenge just yet. He finds new respect for Kate and her handle on everything just after the shooting. Even in his weakened condition, his brain takes the time to depersonalize the trauma of last year, protecting him from his most intimate and raw memories. As if it could be a thing that exists outside of him, away from him. Kate. His vision fills with a tumble of dark hair and that damn steel rod slicing across her back. _Oh, please...please...let her be safe._

A voice raised to an impossibly high pitch, a screech of agony, invading every cell of his body, scatters his thoughts of her. He pushes it away, and then buries it deep down, but it escapes through cracks. He thinks maybe there's a lot more cracks now. Did Beckett hear his screams over the roar of the buzzsaw? He'd been blissfully unaware, then thrust into a nightmare of metal on metal, a vibration through his side setting his whole body aflame. Maybe the heavy blanket the EMS must have thrown over him further muffled the ordeal? He never saw or heard Beckett at all. His world was stolen away in the sweet relief of stillness as the rod gave way and the flaming electrified knife cutting through his entire midsection stopped stabbing him viciously.. _I'm definitely in the hospital. Wrecked that Ferrari but good. Yeah,. I remember that, too. No more Ferrari._

He mentally adds to his bucket list: 51. _Live To Regret Stupid Bucket List Choices_. He's checking it off the list, when her soft voice comes to him just as a warm moist cloth wipes across his eyelids. "Why, hello there, Mr. Castle. Nice to see you among the living, sir."

He must look ridiculous, blinking uncontrollably, trying to form even one coherent word and failing. She seems to know exactly what the problem is, though, and again he finds her softly spoken words more than reassuring, more like a foundation to build this moment on, hold onto it, keep the darkness at bay, for even just having woken up, he feels it pulling him down already. _Can't sleep yet...Beckett...how is Beckett?_

"You had a rough night, yes you did. But you've turned the corner. Doc was just in here a bit ago. He was very happy to see your numbers. Improvement in all the important areas, Mr. Castle."

She pats his leg, near the knee. Oh, something that doesn't hurt. Fabulous. Let's have more of that, shall we? He tries to pull his focus back to...to...what? _Where am I? How am I?_

"It will take a fair amount of healing, but you're out of the woods. Should make a full recovery. Now let's take the edge off that pain. I'm sure it's spiking for you by now."

He feels a cold liquid burning his veins, and finally his blinking eyes calm, settle, clear, and oh, thank you. Focus. _And the blind suddenly see._

The soft voice belongs to a nurse pushing the liquid gold from a syringe into his IV line. _Nurse. Hospital. Oh, I am good. Okay, fine. That was an easy one._

He struggles for full awareness, wants to ask something important, keeps losing his thought, but manages to mumble a few words to the nurse, "Detective Kate Beckett..."

The nurse smiles, patting his good shoulder reassuring. "She made it out just fine. Been here with you and your daughter all night." And the nurse nods her head over toward the window, but he can't turn to look because now she's asking him a question. What? Oh...no...and his struggle to get his brain working his mouth makes a second, more successful attempt. It helps a lot that he feels the pain meds stealing a silky quiet over his body, but his side? Oh, the pain notches down so low, he's nearly giddy with the reprieve."No...no...thanks. I'm okay for now."

The nurse gives him another pat to the spot just above his knee that is blessedly pain free, glances over to the window, then gives him a reassuring smile. "Those two ladies are going to be very happy to see you when they wake up, but try to let them sleep for now, if you can. It's only been maybe three hours since they let their guard down and allowed themselves the break."

He's in a fog, can't quite grasp everything around him, but he turns away from the door the nurse just disappeared out of and over to window, where a couch is positioned underneath. The morning light filters in thru slanted shades, casting slashes of dark and light across two bodies snuggled close together, covering them like a worn blanket. _Kate and Alexis._

He loses every scrap of ground he'd just gained as his brain decodes the vision his eyes see. He's left gasping for breath and saturated with emotion. A song filling up his soul even as all around it his body cries out in a fiery voice. The pain both physical, as his movements and frantic gulps of air skyrocket his pain level past the threshold of the shot to his IV, and a bright white light, searing away the scarring on his soul and releasing his usual tight emotional rein.

He keeps his eyes on Kate and Alexis, soaks up their peace and uses it to ride out the storm of memories assaulting his senses. He knows how they ended up like that, oh yes, but before he dips down into those memories and integrates them with his rapidly adjusting reality, he gives himself a moment to glory in the wholeness of Kate Beckett. _She must be okay. She wouldn't be in here with me, if she was seriously injured._

He looks around for tissues because, damn it, yes he is crying. Kate and his daughter asleep in each other arms. He's imagined a sleeping Kate many times, but in all his fantasies he never once saw her sleeping arms wrapped around his daughter. And he's never seen his daughter look quite this way, snuggled up in the arms of his muse. It's better than anything he could've come up with on his own. He lets his mind drift further than he's ever allowed and it's so easy to see them there as mother and daughter. Together they are angels, and the song they sing him soars high, blocking out all the pain._ If I could write us another story, Beckett, I'd give you her from the beginning._

Alexis must have been in tears. He builds up the scene as it might have played out here in his room. He's adrift for countless minutes, spinning fine webs of details around last night, drawing out the time Kate spent soothing Alexis before sleep finally, blessedly stole away reality. He watches Kate run her hand down his daughter's soft, red hair in his mind's eye, sees her lips moving. _What impossible promises? What nonsense words of comfort did you give her, Kate?_

But he knows some of it, doesn't he? His daughter's voice, strained past breaking. "_Daddy, Daddy! No! Don't leave me!_" And then Kate's voice fast on its heels. "_I've got you. I've got you, Alexis!" Sure, strong, in control. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."_

Kate must have pulled Alexis away from him, away from his bedside, and over to the couch, where they fell asleep comforting each other. He thinks it's almost worth the steel rod thru his side to see this. He needs a picture of it. A memory to hold against whatever comes. Lately, he's been trying to imagine his life without Detective Kate Beckett in it. Trying his damndest. No luck. _His phone. Where is it it?_

He looks down at the tissue in his hand. Where did that come from? Right. Tray table. It's next to his bed and his phone was on it, too, He slides the table closer to him and reaches for the phone. The reality of his situation comes crashing down. His right arm is really no good. Not much control there. Any movement he does manage just pulls impossibly at his wound, shutting down everything but the screaming flares of pain shooting straight into his brain. He takes it. Rides it out until he can manage with his left. Finds out if he's careful and slow with his positioning, he can get a good hold on the damn thing. _Ah, just there...Yes!_

Her eyelids flutter at the soft distorted shutter sound. She jolts awake suddenly, but he sees her still when she realizes it's Alexis' weight hampering her movements. She returns at once to her protective hold of the girl. She doesn't immediately draw her eyes up to his, and he doesn't think she knows what woke her or even that he's awake. His voice cracks the silence in the room.

"Kate." It's rough and gravely, but lucid and strong, too. He hopes he's been patched together well enough to hold up over these next few moments because he doesn't want to misstep here. He's half compromised by the pain and immobility already. If he chooses the wrong words with her now... _Don't let her walk away. Not this time._

"Rick." His name is a soft sigh slipping past her lips. She works slowly to extradite herself from Alexis, using pillows he recognizes from his loft, favorites of his daughter's, to replace her body under Alexis. Then she's stumbling over to his bed, steadying herself before she eases down next to him. Her carefulness combined with the reckless look of her eyes digs too deep in his heart. He sees again the look she gave him in the bank vault. He can't mistake the joy shining there, but still she holds herself back. Is this the look of friendship or love? _What is there to hold back from me, Kate?_

He sees her fingers fiddle with the sheets. Meets her shifting eyes, settling her a bit. Her eyes roam over his face, down his arms, and do an excellent job ignoring the patched and tubed mess that's become of his chest, which he is surprised to find is shirtless. He does look a bit fragile at the moment. Maybe her touching him could do more damage? _Nah, never. Not ever gonna happen._

"I'm not going to break, Beckett. Go ahead. Touch."

She starts with the hand of his good arm. A light touch, gentle grasp, her thumb rubbing over the back of his hand before she releases it and lets her hand travel up his arm, then she's ghosting her fingertips across his cheek, tracing what must be uncountable new lines on his face, traveling around to the nape of his neck. She pulls herself close to him and he feels her trembling, He flashes back to the last time Kate trembled next to him, as her blood spilled out all around him. And before that when he held her weeping uncontrollably against her car as their captain lost his last battle. She presses her face hard into his, her jagged breaths slicing across jaw and neck. Her fingers finding deep purchase in his shoulders, trying to pull herself closer to him and keep herself away all at the same time. He will give her whatever she seeks, let her possess every last ragged piece of him, if she wants. _Take it all. I am yours._

He gasps trying to wrap both arms around her and she starts pulling back, loosening her hold on him. The fire burning in his side is a welcome reminder to the hole in his heart she ripped. But she had her heart ripped open first, didn't she? He can't fault her for any of her behavior. Her choices. She was just trying to survive, he knows. Oh, how he knows. He's been trying to live without her, survive without her. He's done with that. He'll take a burning fire over cold desolation any day. He pulls her tighter to his side. The fire flares to impossible levels, but he doesn't lessen his hold. The questions raging through his head are enough to tear them apart. No way they can fight here with him like this. But if he can keep them in this moment, hold them together long enough to find permanent residence in her soul. _Kate, you'd better realize walking away is no longer an option for us. Never really was actually._

He keeps her in his arms as long as he can. He's surprised to find her content to stay close. Usually he can barely get any physical contact out of her, unless it's an ear pull or a nose pinch, and even those have been few and far between recently. And then his hand fingers the edges of her bandage, brushing softly over it, investigating its size and bulk. He pushes her back, so he can meet her eyes again. His questions to her clear in his eyes, but even with the proof of her vitality sitting before him, fear snakes into his heart.

"Did I really hear you crack a joke at Espo?" She gives him an eyeroll. He thinks she does it just to cheer him up. "Come on, Castle. You are ridiculous."

He knows she's trying to lighten the mood between them, lift the oppressive blanket someone's thrown over them. But this time they're under it together, not separated by a shrieking buzzsaw. And he's okay with hiding, as long as she's hidden away with him, safe and sound. _Are you safe and sound, Kate?_

He can't remember anything but tiny slivers of moments. He feels a ghost of a pressure across the back of a hand, soft, distant sobbing, fervent words whispered in his ear. _Just keep breathing._

His left hand raises to her cheek, fingers the wisp of hair around her ear. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay." She assures him as she takes his hand away from her face to cradle between her own. "Thanks to you, stuntman."

He tries to laugh, but that's an impossible thing. Maybe he'll try that tomorrow. He does give her a fast smile. The one where the corners of his mouth turn up and back down again so fast, if you blink, you'll miss it. "I just...I saw a chance for a better outcome and I took it."

"Yeah. A chance for a better outcome." Her hands clench over his and her eyes spill out a torrid of emotion. She looks as if she wants to say more, but holds it back. He works his hand out of her grasp, so he can touch her cheek again. He holds her gaze and their shared burdens pass between them like leaves along the water.

"What?" He lets his hand fall to grab hold of hers again.

She bites her lip, shakes her head, looks down, but seconds later, she's leaning into him, her lips brush over his ear. "You were trying to leave."

"I...I wasn't." His hand comes back to her face and he slides his fingers along the hard bones of her face. He wonders if they talking about last night or the entire the last week? "I was trying to find a way to stay."

"You know. You know I remember." She's gripping him tight again, burying her face into his neck. Oh, well, small talk is over. No, gee, I'm so glad you're okay. How this past week must have been eating at her as it ate away at him. Stealing his foundation, his hopes, his plans. _No, not about last night. That was just one more close call racked up alongside many._

He's not close enough. He needs more. More of her. He needs to know for sure what he thinks he's seen in her eyes just now, before she went into hiding under his chin. Beckett hiding is a ludicrous thought and he tries to lift her head, but she fights him, burrowing deeper into his side, pressing her face painfully into his neck. _We can't do this now, Beckett. We can't do this here._

Words have always seemed to fail them. Except for his books, he thinks. He hopes she understands his words there. And when they are in the heat of a case. He knows she understands him there. In the work they share. He stops his assault on her jaw and spears his fingers into her hair, supports her from behind so she is trapped against him. She eases away slightly, finding comfort enough in his hold of her to give up climbing inside him. He glances to his daughter still sound asleep on the couch. _Don't wake up, Alexis, please don't wake up._

"Kate" He resumes his attack on her jaw, his hand clenches against the bones to force her head up, but she no longer resists him and his grip quickly softens to a gentle massage. His eyes trap hers instantly. His other hand seeks her face as well, both now mapping out her face, questing along the line of her hair, finding ways into the tangled brown locks here and there. Her hand rests at his elbow, supporting the bad arm, so he can manage to keep her face cradled in both hands.

He tells her things with his eyes and his hands that his mouth can't seem to voice. He had words for her. He did, but now they are lost. He knows by the smile breaking across her face that she doesn't need his words anyway. Knows all there is to know. All the important stuff anyway. Some of the little annoying details, he'll save for later. _Yeah, Rick. Like she's going to find your continued investigation into her mother's murder a LITTLE annoying fact._

"Your silence had me worried." He stops breathing, his eyes locking back on hers. More words tremble unspoken at his lips, but she reaches her hand to his mouth, stilling his vain attempts. And then she's leaning in toward him, pressing her lips to his. A seal on an unspoken promise. _Always._

When she pulls back, her lips are twisted up in the quirky smile he loves and she shakes her head ever so slightly at him, but the look she locks down on him. Oh, yes. He could spend forever decoding the messages in that look. Her hand takes his, turns it in her grasp, and begins tracing on the back of his hand as she whispers to him, "Always."

He groans through the pain as he pulls her once more into him, holding her closer than he should, feeling the pull against his side, but he can't let go, can't loosen his hold. She manages to ease him off, her hands soothing on his face, her words brushing across his lips.

"I love you," and then she's kissing him again and he can't even enjoy her kisses. He's a thief, stealing these moments with her while he holds a secret that will surely rip them asunder. He knows he catches her by surprise when he pulls away from her kiss, untangles them, puts a bit of distance between them.

Even as he struggles to assimilate her gift of words, he knows they could be fleeting. Knows she can walk away. She is ruthless in her love. Unyielding in her quests. She's already turned upside down now by his out of character actions. He has to find a way to make her understand without causing anymore damage. His hands come to her face wanting to somehow pull all of her into him, carry her safe inside. His fingers find the crest of her hair, softly tracing the line of her face, letting his fingers tangle in the tendrils he strokes. He's managed to quarantine the stabbing sharp blades slicing through his midsection in a dark corner for the moment. _There are so many damn things I want to be doing to you right now, Katherine Beckett._

"I...We...Kate...We can't do this now." He pauses, wanting nothing but truth between them now. If they have even one more misunderstanding between them... He can't take her pushing him away again. Hell if he'll go anyway. But right now. Right now she could walk away and he couldn't stop her. Couldn't follow her. He had been seriously thinking this past week of walking away from her. He spent a lot time alone, with his scotch, seeking a path away from her. _How can you walk away from a love burning so strong?_

"We're going to figure this out between us, Kate. We are….but... not today." His hands, while teasing her skin along that curious place where it meets scalp, have also positioned her so their lips are brushing again. He speaks to her softly. His breath nearly gone at this point anyway. "Kate, there's more to this than just us. More for you to know before you...before we dive into this."

He wants so much to kiss her again, but instead pulls back after those few fleeting nibbles to meet her eyes, begging her for the patience he's given her, but before she can find any footing to stand on, grasp even a thread of what he's trying to communicate to her, let alone form a coherent response to him, he's distracted by his daughter's exclamation, "Dad!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Reader:<strong> You know I LOVE that thing you do! But I've also made it easy for you to do something else, too! Review! I accept anonymous reviews, no login required. Although, if you're not a member, you should think about becoming one. It's so much easier to keep track of your fav stories and authors. I hope you take a moment to share your thoughts, questions, or what have yous and I'll send you Thank Yous! Yes, yes...of course, a Follow or Favorite is always welcome and appreciated as well! :)_

_**Special Thanks**: As always, my friends at the CastleTV Chatroom are a bounty of support and nourishment. A nod to **McFluffy** and **RickBeckett** for being my first readers this go round. You both helped me bring out what was missing this chapter and I am so grateful._


	7. Promises

**Chapter 7: Promises**

Alexis snuggles deeper into the softness under her, but hears only muffled silence. No heartbeat. No comforting arms around her, stroking, soothing, massaging her back into blissful slumber. _Kate. Where is Kate?_

_"Kate, there's more to this... _

She struggles to open her eyes, lashes fluttering helplessly, lids heavy with too little sleep. That wasn't a heartbeat. That was a voice. Rough, like cloth dragged across sandpaper, getting stuck here and there, but still recognizable. Her father. _Am I awake?_

Alexis rides waves of confusion, failing to achieve full consciousness. Her Dad must be speaking to Kate. She hopes his voice is not the remnant of jumbled, disturbing dreams. She fights hard to shut down the waterfall of images streaming through her brain, unable to decipher between those of her troubled sleep and those of last night's horrors. _I watched my father die..._

The last vision Alexis had of Kate and her father together bubbles up in her swampy brain. She hears Kate's voice from last night, begging her father to just keep breathing. _Oh, she loves him. Kate loves my Dad._

Alexis was standing outside her father's door, trying to open it and keep her grip on the bag of snacks, cup of coffee for Kate, and cup of tea for herself she carried. She lost that battle quick, her mind completely overrun by thoughts of the only man her and Grams have ever been able to count on. _Oh, God...Dad...DAD!_

The packaged snacks scattered and slid. The hot liquid exploded as the cups hit ground. Alexis, unaware, stumbled over the mess and into her father's room. She stopped short at the foot of his bed, transfixed by the vision before towered over her father, holding his face in her hands, pleading with him. _Just keep breathing._

_"...than just us."_

The sound of her father's voice cuts off in a sharp intake of breath, ending in a tortured squeak she would find amusing, if it wasn't a knife slicing through her heart. _Pain. It's pain taking his words away. Dad. ...daddy..._

Her emotions threaten to tip her over into hysteria, a fast trip for her barely awake, sleep-deprived nervous system. As her father struggles to continue, she stops paying attention to how he is speaking. She hears only his words.

_"More for you to know before you..."_

Oh, he's definitely talking to Kate and he's confident and coherent. Her mental state is given a huge shift into calm sanity, but then something about what he is saying starts to nibble away at her peace. Not just his tone, but his words penetrate the fog that surrounds and drifts through her brain. _Wait. What?_

What the hell is Dad doing? He thinks NOW is the time to tell his muse about his extra-curricular activities? He almost died right in front of her eyes last night. Technically speaking, if she wants be accurate, he did die right in front of her. Several times. _Oh, God._ ..._daddy..._

She shudders, battling hard to bring herself fully awake. Flashes of the hours before take her strength away, plunge her back into the terror. _DAD! Don't leave me. Don't you dare leave me! Da..da...daddy...oh, please...please..._

She has never loved science more than when the doctors used those wonderful machines to bring back her father's heartbeat and maintain his breathing until he could do it for himself. Kate managed to hold all their breaking pieces together as they huddled together on the couch, waiting to see if their world was ending or starting to spin again. _Kate...Kate...don't let go of us..._

More of the night slips unbidden into Alexis' whirling thoughts. The way Kate pulled her away from her Dad when the doctors rushed in, held her so tight, never easing her hold the entire night. She hears her own voice begging Kate, "Don't let go. Please, just...don't let go."

She remembers Kate shushing her broken sobs and keeping the drowning at bay with her soft words. "I've got you, Alexis. Always. I've got you."

Why isn't Kate speaking? Alexis craves her unique voice, the fleeting accent, there yet not there. The steady rhythm, sure and calm through the worst of it. Her Dad, looking out for her always. He picked Kate for her. To watch over her. _You knew she was the one, Dad. The one to have my back, if you weren't there._

_"...before we dive into this."_

Even though her Dad's voice is strained, breaking, and quietly intense, she loves the sound of it. His voice might be compromised, his body wracked with pain, but his words...yeah...he sounds okay. She begins to actually believe her father is going to be okay. _He is going to be okay. DAD!_

Alexis pulls herself to a sitting position, tries to shake the rest of her sleep haze off, but can't manage to rid her limbs of its clawing and aching. The haze sits like a cloud over her brain, but her voice finally starts working and her mental _DAD! _becomes a shocked scream piercing the eerily quiet room.

"Dad!"

Alexis comes barrelling across the floor toward her father, but Kate stops her, catching Alexis up in her arms. Their eyes lock together, then Kate pulls her into a hug, but the words Kate whispers in her ear are better than the strong arms surrounding her, "He's okay."

Alexis' quick mind, even sleep-deprived and overwrought, had already processed that from her Dad's voice. It's the impact of those words she's worried about. The impact on Kate. Alexis pulls back from the hug, and frantically searches the detective's eyes for the assurances it held last night. _You promised. No walking away._

Instead of assurances she sees hurt and confusion. Maybe a touch of fear. Kate doesn't seem to be quite here in the moment, even though her quick reflexes just saved her Dad from a painful jarring. As much as Alexis wants to turn to her father, she continues to hold Kate's gaze, notices her stiff posture, her hands that have grabbed hold of Alexis' much too tight. _What did he say Kate? What did he say?_

Alexis looks down at Kate's hands covering her own, pinching and pressing into bone. Kate follows Alexis' gaze, staring at their joined hands a moment before loosening her hold, then stroking softly against the backs of Alexis' hands with her thumbs.

A mutual sigh escapes both their lips, then Kate looks back up at Alexis with a clear, yet determined look. Kate nods toward her father.

"Just go slow. Be gentle. He will be okay. Your Dad just needs time to heal."

Kate steps back away from the bed, looking at her father, and then that look returns to her eyes. Confusion. Distance. Hurt. Alexis watches as the back of Kate's legs hit the couch and she collapses down onto the pillows with a soft plop. _What the hell did you say, Dad?_

If only she'd woken sooner and knew exactly what her Dad told Kate. Her focus snaps back to her father. She turns away from the disarranged mess of Kate Beckett on the couch and back to her Dad on the bed. Now she is hesitant to touch him. She looks for permission from him first before laying a hand to his chest, just above his heart, revels in the rhythmic thumping that meets her seeking hand. _Oh, your heart...your heart._

She holds her father's gaze and only sees him, no confusion clouds his eyes. He is whole and he is here with her. The rise and fall of his chest as he takes slow, even breaths, further reassures her. She sees the pain in his eyes, knows he's using his breathing to control it. Then her head follows her hand down to his chest and her Dad's left hand comes to hold her head against him. She hears his controlled breath go ragged and knows he's crying with her. _You're alive...you're alive! ...daddy..._

"Alexis, I'm okay, honey. I'm okay." She hears the surety in his words. And her sobs quiet. She lifts her head to meet his eyes, as his hand slides from cradling the back of her head to stroking her cheek. "The nurse was just here before you two woke up." and here her Dad pauses, looks past her to the couch, but his eyes are unfocused. He does not see Kate. _He sees a memory._

Alexis glances over at the couch, sees Kate with her fingers pressed to her lips, confusion in her eyes, stress and worry covering her like a blanket. She needs sleep. More of it. _Sleep_. _Oh, he saw us there asleep on the couch?_

Alexis tries to stem another flood of memories from the night before, but fails. She turns back to her father and buries her head in his chest once more, her arms holding him as best she can without causing more pain.

She lets her broken sobs go once more, as her father's arms come around her again. She hears the sharp intake of her Dad's breath, the noise he makes and tries to cut off, muffle. She pulls back, but he won't let go. He continues to hold her tight against him, despite the pain she knows must be out of control.

He cannot quite get his breath to use his words they both know never fail to soothe her. Her father can't get his right arm around her, but his right hand grasps and strokes at her forearm, attempting to calm her in place of his words. _Kate, please mend him. Make it right again._

"Alexis, he will be okay. He will." Kate's words of comfort fill Alexis up again, give her strength where she thought she had none. It was Kate alone who got her through last night. And it's Kate's voice now, strong and sure, then her warm and certain hands on Alexis' shoulders, as she pulls Alexis back from her Dad, that settles Alexis down once more. Alexis takes a deep breath and lets it go, as she leans back into Kate, who has taken a seat behind her on the bed.

Alexis nor her father will relinquish their tight hold of each others hands. Alexis won't let loose the thoughts in her head, either. Those words will just bring more sobbing and that will not help her father. She leans further back into Kate, and Kate tightens her hold of Alexis' shoulders. _I thought I lost you, Dad._

She maintains eye contact with her father, but he looks past her for a moment, focusing on Kate instead. She turns away from him, so she can see Kate. The look her Dad is giving Kate seems to help Kate settle herself down as well, as she settled Alexis. Some of the stress and worry fade from her face as Kate's eyes shift from her father to her.

Now it's worry for Alexis, and not her father, that fills Kate's eyes, covers Alexis in a warmth and security that she's only ever known from her father before. How can that be? How can Kate make her feel so safe when she's brought a dragon to bear down upon them? _I hate you and love at the same time Kate Beckett. What do you suppose I should do with that?_

When Alexis looks back at her Dad, a quiet panic settles low in her belly. Her father's eyes appeared haunted just now. A few moments ago, they were overflowing with a soft joy as his gaze settled on the couch. Then approval and love were clear in his eyes, as he watched Kate pull her back from him, saw how Kate helped her find control. _Daddy, I promise you it's going to be all right. I'm going to make sure of it._

She glances yet again to Kate. Her mind made up. She will not let Katherine Beckett break her father down anymore. Kate has promised her. Alexis can still see her promises clear in her eyes. Yes, she means to keep them and if she's going to have any chance of keeping them, then Alexis has to get to her before her Dad. He has a way of screwing things up and maybe she'll have better luck this time.

She has a connection with Kate like she's never had with any of his other women, including her own mother. Maybe it's enough to tip the outcome in her and her father's favor. Alexis suddenly realizes she might want Kate as much as her father does. _Kate, we are going to figure this out together. I promise you._

"Darlings! You are all awake!" Her grandmother breezes in, places the bag she was carrying by the couch and steps behind Alexis, her hands settling on her granddaughter's shoulders. She leans over to kiss Alexis on the cheek, but her eyes remain on her son, seeking confirmation of his improved state. He gives her a smile, but she gets more from the clear, penetrating look of his eyes, and her hand moves from Alexis' shoulder to his face.

_"_Mother, I'm so glad you are here." He takes her hand from his face so he can hold it. "I think Alexis could use a break, right sweetie?"

He focuses back on his daughter, taking his hand from his mother's and placing it against his daughter's cheek. "I want you to go home and rest, okay?"

Alexis doesn't want to be away from her father for one second, but Grams coming back is a welcome sight. She needs to get Kate alone to talk and taking her back to the loft to rest and freshen up is a fantastic excuse, but Alexis isn't sure she can leave now.

Her indecision must be flickering across her face because suddenly her Dad is fighting to bring his other hand to her face to hold her gaze to his. She sees the effort it costs him and does the same thing as Kate, moves to support that arm with a hand at his elbow. _Oh, Daddy..._

"I am going to be okay, Alexis. And I won't even be awake much longer, I'm sure. Go home. Rest, sweetheart."

Her Dad looks over to Kate, who had moved back to couch when Grams arrived. Even though Kate seemingly pulled herself together, she still looks a bit of a mess over there on the couch. In fact, despite the assurances Kate managed to communicate to her, Alexis thinks she looks close to bolting. _Oh, no, Katherine Beckett. No more running._

"Kate..." Alexis watches in fascination as, at her father's words, his muse locks gazes with him. He adds a few strokes of his good hand down the side of Alexis' hair to punctuate the point he's making with can clearly see what they are communicating. _Seriously guys, how have you let this simmer for almost four freakin' years?_

"Alexis, you're Dad is right. Actually, I could use a nap in a nice comfy bed." Kate says, a bit of a sly tone in her voice. Alexis turns away from this much more private message shared between them. _For Gods Sake, Dad! You are in the hospital._

"Yeah, you're right, Dad. I'll go for a bit." Alexis gives Kate another penetrating look. "I think... I'd really like if you came with me, Kate. I don't want to be alone."

At her words, her Dad pulls her back down to his chest. She hears him struggle with his breathing again, knows the crying on both their parts will start again if she doesn't pull it together, so she sits back up, brushes his hair back, and lays her hand against his cheek.

"You just rest, Dad. Kate and I will be back later today." She leans in and replaces her hand with her lips, holding herself lightly against him, still afraid somehow she'll break him worse than he's already been broken. _Steel Rod, Dad! Not Cool!_

Finally, she's able to pull herself back from him and get up. She moves over to Grams, who immediately pulls her into a hug, but she's still looking back at her father. Kate has moved over to sit beside him again, placing her hands on either side of his face, and leaning in to kiss him softly.

She sees her father's arms come around Kate, but his right arm is still worthless. He can only press against her side, not get his arm all the way across. She wants to cry when she sees his hand struggle to flex and hold Kate tight where he touches. _He loves her. He loves her more than anyone before. He will never love like this again._

She settles more into her grandmother's side, lays her head against her shoulder, and waits for Kate to say her goodbyes. She's struck again by how much they love each other. She thought she understood Kate, but after the shooting, after everything that Kate had put her father through she wasn't sure anymore.

She knew her father had been trying to walk away from Detective Beckett. Alexis had been the one to find him in his study more than once during the past week, passed out on his couch, the screen saver flickering over his murder board. She's sure he's fallen asleep staring at it every night for the past week, trying to solve it, find some kind of resolution for Kate Beckett before he left.

Even after everything, he still wants to help her heal. She knows he needs to help Kate put a lid on this and box it up for good before he walks away. But she also knows he hasn't found anything to give her. Nothing concrete to lay a foundation for the peace of mind he seeks to give her before taking his freedom back. _His freedom. He will never be free of her._

"We will figure this out, Rick. I promise you."

Kate's fervent words bring Alexis' attention back to her father and his muse. Kate still has her hands on her father's face, looking intently into his eyes, making him a solemn promise, just as she did for Alexis the night before. And it's in this moment that Alexis realizes Kate is already a part of their family. If Kate is not destined to become her mother, then surely she is already a sister. _She can't run away this time. Stay Kate. Stay with us._

She watches as Kate's hands drop from her father's face and grab for his hands, his right still trying to grasp her tighter at her hip, his left firmly entangled in her hair, thumb smoothing across her cheek. He lets her have his hands and pulls them, tightly joined, against his chest, just over his heart. Alexis can't stand to hear the breaking of Kate's voice as she speaks her promises to her Dad.

"Whatever it is, Rick. We'll face it. Stand together. I promise you. Stand and fight until we figure it out. Together. Right? Okay?"

"I know you believe that right now, Kate. And I want so much for it to be true. You have no idea how much I want that, but I can't be sure you won't lock me out and never let me back in."

And here her father's voice breaks. He cannot continue with what he meant to say. Alexis knows it's that moment her Dad realizes he's got her. His muse. The love of his life. The woman who he can see no future without. She knows he hasn't been writing. What will become of him if he's right? If she can walk away even after all these promises to herself and to him. _Kate, you've got to come through for us here. We need you now. We need forever._

She looks down when she sees his tears falling, but it's Kate's voice that has her looking back up again. It's the steel in it. The solidness of it. _Even when you sound so sure, he doesn't believe you, Kate._

"I am so sorry that we have to do this here. And we can't even have it all, but you were right. This isn't just about us." Alexis sees Kate wrestle her hands away from her father, changing the hold, so it's her hands cradling his, instead of his cradling hers. She sees Kate fingers move against her father's skin, over the back of his hand. And her father's breathing begins to roughen up, hitching here and there as tears spill out of his eyes.

"You said we can't do this here. We can't do this now. What if I walk out this door and you never you see me again? Not because of me. Not because of you. Just life. There and gone. So, don't tell me we can't do this. You can't leave it like this. You won't leave it like this. It's done. It's already done, Rick. One and done."

Alexis can't see Kate's eyes, but she sees her Dad's reaction to her words. The look in his eyes, which find hers briefly and her grandmother's, before turning back to Kate, is one of shock and apology. He wasn't expecting this from Kate and he's not going to be able to control his response.

Alexis watches as her father pulls Kate back down to him, letting go of any restraint. His awareness of Grams and her fades away. Alexis shames herself by being unable to turn away from her father's private moment with Kate.

Kate holds his bad hand against her cheek, but his other hand is fisted in her hair, pulling her hard against him, as he kisses her fiercely, unable to hold back the sharp moans of pain his movements cause as they stretch the limits of his endurance.

Alexis sees Kate try to pull back, calm him down, but her father won't let her go, won't gentle the kiss. She looks away again, embarrassed, yet filled with joy, but not before she catches her father finally break the kiss, his mouth whispering against Kate's, "I love you. I love you, Katherine Beckett."

It's then that Alexis buries her face in her grandmother's shoulder and Grams arms pull her impossibly closer. _They should be alone. We should leave them alone._

Alexis is about to suggest perhaps her and Grams should grab some breakfast together before she heads home. Maybe let Kate and her Dad have a few moments more, when the door suddenly opens and Esposito and Ryan pop their heads in.

"How is..." Ryan is unable to finish his question as his eyes find her Dad and Kate in a passionate kiss. The noise of the door opening is enough to break the two apart, though it takes both a few moments to calm their breathing and speak. Alexis hears them mumble together under their breath, "Irish!"

Alexis catches the side of Kate's quirky smile as she looks at her father and his lips break open in a smile as well. Kate's managed to settle him down a bit. And it's in his voice too, a lightness is back that she hasn't heard in a while. "Until later, then, detective?"

"Yes, later." She leans in for one more one kiss, soft and chaste, then she's standing up. She starts to step away but Alexis sees her father grab her hip, his hand snaking under her shirt and around her good side.

They stand looking at each other a moment more, exchanging an intense stare. Then Kate is heading for Alexis, who breaks from her grandmother's arms just as Kate comes to stand beside her. Kate places an arm around Alexis' waist and steers her out the door after their brief goodbyes to Grams, Esposito, and Ryan, who remain frozen in shock.

Well, except maybe Detective Esposito. She hears his incredulous voice as they slip out the door, "Beckett...hey, wait...Beckett!"

But Kate doesn't stop, her arm firmly around Alexis' waist as they stride down the hall. She does call back to him, though, "Castle's the storyteller, Esposito!"

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Reader: <strong>_I never intended for you to have to wait this long for an update. Life has a way of knocking you off track, you know? I hope you enjoyed this chapter enough to make up for the delay. I will try my best not to let it happen again. Thank you for all your favs, follows, alerts, and reviews! Please...don't stop now! :)_

**A Birthday Wish: **_For my partner in crime, __**McFluffy**__. I hope you have a fantastic day today! Readers, I think you will love the story we are working on together. If you'd like to encourage a new Castle FanFic author, go on over to her bio and subscribe to _**McFluffy**._ You'll be telling her Happy Birthday and also, "Oh, I can't wait to read what you're writing!" :)_

**Special Thanks:** _Of course I called upon my My CastleTV Chatroom writer friends to beta for me again! Thanks go out to __**McFluffy, fooxoo, RickBeckett, **__and __** PenguinOfTroy**__...__**Tux**__, an extra thanks for that second look with a keen eye._

**Disclaimer: **_We all know who owns these characters. May success continue to follow their creator so they will continue to grace our television screens with new stories for years to come._


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